


Grif's First Time

by XaviaAndromedovna



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Arguing, Body Dysphoria, Canon Trans Character, Coming Out, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, F/M, First Time, Internalized Transphobia, Makeup Sex, Marijuana, Mild Sexual Content, Transphobia, Tucker being an ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 02:18:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10630113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XaviaAndromedovna/pseuds/XaviaAndromedovna
Summary: Grif doesn't like telling the story of his first time because it's not exactly his story to tell.  Also because Tucker's a transphobic ass.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the "mid-argument confessions" square on the Medic card for RvB Bingo Wars!

“You’re kidding, _that_ was your first time?”

“I’m telling you dude, best $40 I ever spent.”

Grif breathes out the smoke from the joint and passes it to Tucker. “I can’t tell if that’s epic or pathetic.”

“Whatever, man.” They sit in silence for several seconds. “So?”

“So what?”

“Tell me about your first time!”

Grif lays down and puts his hands over his eyes. “No way, dude. Last time I told you a story you spread it around the canyon in three minutes.”

“Oh c’mon, it was a good story.”

“No. You’re gonna be a dick about it, I know it.”

“I promise I won’t.”

Grif sighs. “Fiiiine, so I was dating this girl named Taylor…”

~~~

Grif was a very different person at 18. He didn’t have a lot of downtime between school and taking care of Kai and the house, so he became excellent at problem solving and taking responsibility. He also didn’t have time to tiptoe around stuff or deal with passive-aggressive bullshit. He was direct and solution-oriented. ~~Seriously, his friends now wouldn’t recognize him.~~

Taylor was the opposite of that. She was passive and indecisive and quiet. Honestly, when Grif started letting go of that constant control when he joined the military, he channeled her, because she was also extremely flexible and chill. That and her humor were what initially drew him to her. She hadn’t been in town long—maybe about three months—and in that time they hit it off extremely well. She was pretty and smart and kind, but she tended to get wound up about stuff and not talk about it. Given that Kai could be the same way when something was seriously bothering her, he learned how to talk things through until the problem came out, and then fix it.

This usually worked with Taylor, but every once in a while something would happen and she’d shut down or change the subject. Just little things here and there: the way she got quiet when he jokingly asked if she was on her period, the time she avoided some random dude on the sidewalk, the tone in which she says her older brother’s name, how much she hates it when he touches her face. He tries not to think about it too much because it’s none of his business, but the longer their relationship goes on the more it seems to weigh on her.

She’s comfortable being topless around him, and when they hook up usually she’s blowing him or giving him a handjob. He always offers to reciprocate but she never takes him up on it. In fact, she refuses to take her bottoms off and every time he even accidentally touches her on the upper thigh or stomach she gets freaked out.

“Sorry,” he says, bringing his hand back.

She breathes out slowly. “No worries, just don’t do that.”

“Okay, but you know you don’t have to do sexual stuff with me at all if you don’t want to. I feel kinda weird that I’m the only one who ever gets off.”

“Don’t worry about it, I definitely like what we do.”

“Do you?”

Taylor snickers. “Trust me, that’s in no way the problem.”

“Okay, so what is the problem?”

She looks at him awkwardly. “There is no _problem_ , I just prefer to focus on you.”

He sits up. “I mean that’s great and all, but I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

She doesn’t look at him. “Are we seriously doing this?” He waits. She gets up and starts pacing. “It’s… complicated.”

“So break it down for me.”

“I can’t, it’s not— I can’t just say what’s wrong, that’s the problem.”

Okay… “Do you not trust me or something?”

She sighs. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust _anyone_ when it comes to this. It’s not something I can talk about easily.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s personal and because I don’t want you get the wrong impression.”

“Okay well the impression I’m getting right now is that you don’t want to be with me. And obviously that’s okay if that’s what you want, but just say it.”

“Damn it, Grif, I’m not breaking up with you! I’m trying to make sure you don’t break up with me!”

“Whoa, wait what? What the hell does that mean?”

She flops on the bed, frustrated. “With the exception of my parents, everyone I’ve ever told about this has stopped talking to me or treated me like shit. I just, I’m afraid of what’ll happen if you know.”

“Know what?!”

“I can’t tell you!”

Grif gets up out of her bed. “Look, if you wanna tell me, tell me, if not, that’s your business. But if you don’t feel safe telling me something that’s clearly important to you, then obviously we have bigger issues than whatever’s going on with this. I’m going home, if you wanna talk call me.”

“Grif, wait! Grif, c’mon this isn’t easy for me!”

“Okay, well, it’s also not easy watching your girlfriend tiptoe around conversations for months because every time we start talking about the randomest shit you shut down and act like I don’t notice. This isn’t the first time this has been a problem, Taylor.”

“Yeah, and it’s my body, and my choice how and when and IF I talk about it! I get that it’s frustrating, but this is exactly what I was fucking afraid of, I was afraid that it’d become this big huge thing and you wouldn’t understand.”

“Then _make me_ understand.” Taylor exhales angrily and sits there in silence for about a minute. Eventually, Grif catches up to something she said. “What do you mean it’s about your body? Are you sick or something?”

She laughs humorlessly. “Depends on who you ask.”

“Okay… are you dying?”

“No.”

“Is it permanent?”

“Not necessarily, but for the foreseeable future yeah.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Physically no, mentally yes.”

“Is it like a body image thing?”

“Yes and no, it’s definitely related to my body image.”

Grif lies back down, trying to piece it all together. “Dude, I give up.”

Taylor curls up into him and rests her head on his chest. “Look, I’ll tell you just, give me a sec.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Just… just don’t lie to me.”

She looks up at him adamantly. “I’m not lying to you, I never lied. This isn’t a deception thing, I need to make that very clear. I’m not lying about who I am, I just don’t really tell people about this because it’s not always safe for me to do so and because people don’t understand what it means.”

Oh. Ohhhh, holy shit. It all makes sense now. “Wait, give me one more guess.” Taylor closes her eyes and holds her breath. “Are you trying to tell me you’re transgender?”

”Yeah.”

Grif breathes out all the tension he’d been feeling the past half a day. “Seriously? That’s it?”

She nods. “Are you okay with that?”

He laughs and kisses her on the lips. “Taylor, I thought you were cheating on me, or that you were dying, or that you killed somebody or I dunno, something _bad_.”

“You seriously don’t care?”

“Should I? Wait, hold on, are you a trans girl or a trans guy? Or are you non-binary? Cause it doesn’t actually matter to me either way if that’s what you’re worried about.”

It makes him melt to see her slowly becoming more and more comfortable and calm. “I’m a girl. And I knew that, I just wasn’t sure how you’d react.”

“You’ve met my family; everyone I care about is queer as hell. _I’m_ queer as hell. Obviously you’re not required to come out to me or anything, but damn give me some credit!”

”You’d be surprised how many queer people are transphobic.” Fair point.

”I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“No, you shouldn’t have, but to be fair I should have told you that by now. I ended up making it ten times more dramatic than if I’d told you from the get go.”

“I get it. Coming out isn’t easy.”

After a moment or two of silent cuddling, Taylor kisses his cheek and straddles him. “Thank you for understanding. What do you say we celebrate my coming out?”

“Sounds good to me.”

~~~

“Dude.”

“Yeah, it was actually pretty great. We broke up three months later but we still talk every once in a while.”

After a beat, Tucker’s snorts of laughter give way to a full on cackle. “Dude, I can’t believe your first girlfriend had a dick!”

“God damn it.”


End file.
